Archives for category: Helen’s Diary

I’ve made the decision. I am going Christmas-free. I am not a Christian. I don’t see any reason to celebrate this holiday. Especially when I consider how awfully I am handling this time of the year.

In my country Christmas mean basically this – supermarkets and shopping malls are full of stressed people buying unnecessary expensive presents. Mothers are being stressed with cooking, baking (at least 4-5 kinds of sweets – full of butter, sugar, chemicals, white refined flour etc), cleaning the house… This starts at the beginning of December, or sooner. I was trying to resist it but every year I get stressed as well – you HAVE to buy presents to every member of your family, all your friends, schoolmates, work collegues, partner, his family, your pets…list goes and goes. Even when I try to buy my presents in advance it isn’t possible.

I am very picky in choosing gifts for my beloved ones. I want the gifts to be nice and useful and make them surprised and happy. But what if the person doesn’t have any hobbies at all? I mean the people who spend most of the day watching television, go to work, go drink with their friends or eat unhealthy meaty dishes. Maybe some sport in the meantime… but my creativity stops there. I am not going to buy any meat, alcohol or things which I don’t resonate with AT ALL. I like buying beautiful presents, filled with love, healthy, organic, hand-made, natural… but it is not possible when you “HAVE TO” buy presents for so many people so sometimes I end up buying something just to have something for that person. Magic disappears.

Christmas should mean being with your family, friends, partner and basically- feel good. It is not like that at all.

kapr

happy family and carp waiting to be killed and eaten

 

First of all – people don’t know anything about history of this celebration. They don’t know the meaning of traditions but still do it. In my country people eat fish (carp to be exact) and potato salad (potatoes, steriled vegetables, mayo, cheese, ham, boiled egg, pickles). Why? Nobody knows, but they still do it. There are stalls on the streets where you buy fish alive and kill it at home (nice tradition, isn’t it?) or they will kill it for you (example), blood is everywhere and it smells awfully. People are then carrying bloody plastic bags back home with smiles on their faces. One more task completed. Now 1000 more are awaiting!

rohle

sugary fatty sweets covered in more sugar

 

Okay, than you have to bake all that delicious sweets (not delicious at all, sugar, flour and fat combined together), it’s good for one thing – it will make you crave MORE of it, make you bloated and will feed your Candida very well. Plates are beautifully covered with sweets (which I like and it smells beautifully as well)…but- it makes people think that Christmas is about eating and “enjoying” what you have been resisting the whole year. I have been thinking the same. But why should I ruin my Christmas with stomachache, nausea and being tired with digesting? That’s what I ask… If people don’t have such a sensitive digestion as I do and they don’t gain tons of weight after Christmas, they are very happy people, haha. But there are not many of them, so I will keep being negative and hateful towards Christmas 😛

Then you HAVE to have a Christmas tree. Why? Again, nobody knows but everybody buys it and decorates it proudly. I actually quite like decorated Christmas tree, but could it please be stress-free?

darek

they had to buy her AT LEAST something, didn’t they?

 

I mentioned presents before, but now I will mention them from the other side – as an accepter. I begged my parents many times – please don’t give me any unnecesarry things, which will just hang or lay in my room. I like to keep my room neat, clean and empty not filled with “decoration” which are only good for carrying dusty cap, lol. My parents should be people who know me, shouldn’t they? But I realised they don’t. I got unnecesary decorations for my room (no comment), too small panties, grey and black clothes (I hate these colours) and many other things which are nice, but… I don’t need them. I could have bought so much other, more useful and more beautiful things for that money! The presents just didn’t make me happy because they weren’t bought with love. They were bought as duties, with stress and absolutely without creativity.

zradlo

fried carp with mayo potato salad

 

A little more complaining.
Christmas dinner, it starts quite early in my family. Parents are hungry because the whole day they are “fasting”. Or they call it fasting. Basically it means, eating Christmas sweets and drinking coffee, being stressed, tired, wrapping presents, preparing food for the evening. Two kinds of soups, two kinds of fish, two kinds of potato salads. They get very hungry around 4/5, so we HAVE TO have dinner at 5 eventho not all of the members are hungry ( I was actually stuffed from the lunch still, but who cares?). They drink alcohol (as cheers for “good health”), then we have bean soup (they add sausage in theirs), then they have second soup – fish soup, then we have second course – fish and potato salad (I had just vegan potato salad). Everybody is stuffed, full, bloated, overeaten and then we fakely watch Christmas fairy tales (every year the same ones) and go unwrap our presents.

With this stress ends. But shouldn’t it be ALL stress free. We have been arguing and yelling the whole day all just because of this fake holiday. And I am not going to be part of this anymore. The Christmas spell is gone. I don’t enjoy the Christmas athmosphere, because there is not any.

That is my opinion about Christmas as it is “done” in my family. All I ever wanted for Christmas is relaxed athmosphere, cozy room, cuddling on the sofa, watching a nice movie, drinking yummy tea and be in love with my life. I want to feel good, the year is ending, winter is here, celebrate everything amazing which happened during this year. I am going Christmas-free and going to create my OWN celebration which won’t include stress, hurrying, overeating, pushing myself, arguing, gaining weight and feeling depressed. I spent my Christmas Day crying and I don’t want this to happen next year as well. I want to be naked, dance, celebrate beautiful Goddess and free myself from the feeling that this part of the year…is horrible.

stay positive and clean the unnecessary negativity from your life.

stay positive and clean the unnecessary negativity from your life.

I will be writing a daily diet diary here during my times of healing my deep energetic body imbalance. Or basically my amenorrhea and extreme dryness in my body. I need to produce more heat in my body and get balanced. I am so tired and sleepy all the time. Starting to feel my throat sore and..I am not well. I need heat, humidity, fats and grounding.

There is a list of food I will be eating:

  • Well cooked grains
    • basmati rice
    • oats
    • couscous
    • spelt, wheat
  • Fruit
    • bananas
    • avocados
    • coconut
    • lemon
    • mango
    • oranges
    • persimmons
  • Vegetables – well cooked, with coconut oil
    • beets
    • carrots
    • potatoes
    • mushrooms
    • tubers and squashes
    • kale
  • Beans – not much and when it will be blended into a paste
    • green beans
    • tofu
    • chick peas
    • pink lentils
  • Oils – yes,yes, not low fat anymore, this doesn’t work well for fertility 😉
    • sesame oil
    • coconut oil
    • evening primrose oil – supplementing
  • Spices – avoid peppermint!
    • cinnamon
    • cardamom
    • clove
    • sage
    • fennel
    • ginger
    • garlic
    • turmeric
    • nutmeg
    • allspice
  • Sweeteners
    • rice syrup
    • molasses
    • sugar cane
    • honey
  • Liquids – no cold drinks, coffee, black tea, alcohol
    • warm water, LOTS of
    • hot herbal teas
    • warm rice milk

+ I will be doing yoga to produce heat in my body, take ayurvedic pills, rest a lot, not smoke!!!! and I have decided to become fully alcohol-free. It has never been a problem for me not to drink because I don’t like the taste of alcohol..but anyways during the Christmas period I often went out with my friends and had mulled wine or cider or something…It happened once in 1 or 2 weeks but still, I want to get fully rid of it. As well as cigarettes, which is the same as alcohol, I don’t smoke often, once in 10 days, but it dries me out and doesn’t produce anything good.

I want to start being kind to my body again and don’t do ANY harm to it. I want to nourish it, pamper it and give it love and nothing else. Stay vegan, eat nutritious oily foods to ground myself, do daily massage with oils, cover myself into blankets and read books, have long hot baths with essential oils, drink teas with honey and get creative. Write diary, draw, crochet, cook and bake, create recipes, play piano…That’s it ❤

Orange tea with cinnamon and ginger

So todays food intake:

  • didn’t sleep much after yesterday’s work and then bar (terrible, terrible, I will never let other people to push me to go somewhere where I don’t want to go)
  • morning walk with my friend, 1l warm water, 3 ripe bananas
  • at home laying in my bed, big bowl of warm oats cooked in lots of water + cinnamon, ginger, star anise, cacao, rice syrup and 1 tsp flax meal, 2 of my ayurvedic pills
  • ayurvedic Shatapushpi tea with honey, laying in my bed with a book
  • couscous with half an avocado, little bit of red beans, paprika and curry before going to café with my friend(fruit tea with slice of orange, 1 cigarette) + 2 pills
  • 4 home-made whole grain pitas with raspberry jam (sweet cravings, extreme exhaustion and low energy…)

Lately I have been struggling with my body imbalances again. My only health problems are these – indigestion, acne-prone skin and MENSTRUATION IRREGULARITY. I suffered from amenorrhea for 3 years after my anorexia period and during my first vegan attempts. Then I healed myself. Now it is back again and now I am finally starting to understand it.

My body constitution from ayurveda is Pitta-Kapha. But my body and also mind imbalance is VATA. And that is very much what is AMENORRHEA caused by.

I was googling through many articles about it, so I will write some of the facts here, I hope it will help someone as well. Amenorrhea (or at least in my case, I think!) is caused by low pitta dosha and too much vata. (My basic body constitution is pitta but my lifestyle and diet is very much the opposite and I suffer from cold feet/hands, thin nails…etc).

vata image

Causes of too much vata (and blocks of menstrual channels) can be: the ones in Italics are mine

  • stress, anger, tension, travelling, emotional duress, changing of school/job
  • increase of cold temperament od body
  • excessive lethargy, sedentary lifestyle
  • vata promoting diet

Vata increasing diet: (Basically all I eat… dry grains, no oils, cruciferous vegetables, flour, yeast, dried fruit, corn, peas…)

  • cold, light, dry, airy foods (basically low-fat vegan lifestyle,lol)
  • gas forming vegetables (cabbage, broccoli, beans, lettuce, peas, cauliflower…) – I have been eating them lately a lot
  • yeast-based products – also a thing which I eat few times a week when heaving some store bough whole grain breadrolls
  • white flour, white sugar – yes yes, white sugar in teas in tearoom where I work

Some other interesting factors which can cause amenorrhea:

  • excessive exercise
  • artificial subjects for orgasm (that’s interesting one!)
  • no exercise
  • cold temperature

And here is the list of the things, which I resonate with and I believe can be helpful:

  • warm, moist meals – veggie, miso soups, stews, grains cooked with lots of water, herbal teas
  • drinking warm and hot water during the day
  • nutritious but easily digested foods
  • taking flax-seeds (or psyllium) for better digestion and fatty acids
  • ayurvedic herbal supplements – Triphala, Shatavari
  • hot and spicy foods, cooked in oil (vegetable oil or ghee – I will stay vegan, so just vegetable ones)
  • SPICES (very important one) : black pepper, cinnamon, coriander, cardamom, fennel, ginger, cumin, clove, celery and mustard seed, garlic
  • avoid eating old, cold and dry foods!!!! (that means foods from yesterday, too much bread, dried fruits…)
  • avoid using dry cooking methods – not enough water, sauteeing, baking, grilling (yes yes, my “dry” frying and sauteeing all the time, no soups, no oils)
  • don’t skip breakfast (have been doing this and then I always had heavy dinner, which is absolute opposite of what is good for my digestion)
  • not so much raw fruits, veggies, salads

So basically, to balance VATA:

  • eat warm foods, with added fat (coconut, sesame oil)
  • warm soups, stews, freshly baked bread
  • have heavier breakfast – something warm, milky and sweet (cooked oatmeal with almond milk and rice syrup and cinnamon for example)
  • sweet fruits – bananas, peaches, figs, mangos, persimmons, soaked raisins, melons
  • avocados
  • nut butters
  • cold-pressed, fresh sesame oil
  • root vegetables – beets, carrots, yams, potatoes; pumpkins, celery, turnips, mushrooms, squash, garlic, onion
  • beans in moderation (well soaked and cooked) – chickpeas, pink lentils
  • molasses, brown rice syrup
  • spices mentioned before 🙂 + basil, caraway, anise, thyme, allspice, nutmeg, horseradish
  • hot herbal teas, warm flax or rice milk
  • soaked and well cooked grains – basmati rice, brown rice, oats, wheats, couscous

food-holding-bowl-of-soup-crop

Just to mention- I am not a proffesional and this is just what I found on the Internet because I want to make changes and be happy. Menstruation is a very important thing for me, if it would mean to stop being vegan I will do it. You can judge me, but it is my health and my decisions. Anyways no need to do that, I am staying vegan, love animals and don’t want to promote animal cruelty. I believe that this can be solved with just some changes of fat intake, cooking methods, supplementing(ayurvedic tea, pills and evening primrose oil + psyllium), adding more spices and also include – OILY massages of my body, drinking tons of fluids, exercising yoga for fertivility improvement.

I will write about my healing journey soon and how has my diet and health changed. I miss that feminine part of me – menstrual flow, releasing, relaxing… ❤ I hope this gift will get back to me very very soon.

full moon meditate

I’ve decided to start doing some more progress with my body.  Most of the time I love it, but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t do anything about it. I am eating healthily, exercising, but the weight is remaining the same and the BMI scares me a little, I should drop few kilos to feel lighter and not be ashamed of my weight.

From now on:

  • I will do an update post with photos every month (this is the first one!)
  • continue eating Starch solution, but reduce my salt and overtfat intake a little (that means not that much bread and whole grain vegan cookies 😦 )
  • exercising 6 times a week – my lovely interval yoga, swimming, dance but also including a good sweaty cardio –> running at least once a week to make my lymph moving
  • get a massage from time to time, helps releasing toxins
  • do dry skin brushing at the weekends
  • listen to Binaural beats which help with metabolism, weight loss, detoxyfication
  • write a food log into my diary (no calories included)
  • start drinking herbal teas again, I have tons of herbs at home and don’t use them very often, not even in my baths 😦
  • weight myself once a month (doing it more often is turning me down)

My goals are:

  • dropping about 6 kgs (giving it as much time as it needs of course 🙂
  • toning my belly and but
  • getting thinner thighs

So here are the photos, sorry if it offends you, then not visit my blog! I included two of them always, not flexing while inhaling and trying to be skinnier with exhaling (everyone takes photos in that position..I guess it looks better, haha!)

belly november belly november2 belly november3

Lately I have been going into the nature quiet often and my state of mind has changed dramatically. I feel so much better. I love my body, I feel good being with myself and with others as well. (of course not all the time, still have some bad days like all the other people).

November has started and I wrote a goal list.

  • eating 100% Starch solution
  • exercise 6 times a week (and include running – done today, checked)
  • cleaning and tiding my room once a week (necessary!)
  • drinking +3l of water a day (skin is much smoother)
  • improving my headstand and splits
  • do a Facebook free day (who will join me in battling against this addiction?!)
  • buying Christmas gifts (to avoid stress later in December)
  • studying daily (BIG BIG NECCESITY TO START DOING THIS TODAY)
  • decorating my room for winter
  • making recipe posts and yoga videos
  • being honest with my friends (there are some things which need to be solved in my relationships)
  • drinking herbal teas more often (I have been forgetting about my lovely herbs lately)
  • meeting new people (tough one…)
  • practising self-love and do affirmations

IMG_0232 IMG_0235 IMG_0238 IMG_0250 IMG_0259 IMG_0264

picking angel cards and then reading a book from J. Ruiz, very positive afternoon

picking angel cards and then reading a book from J. Ruiz, very positive afternoon

This will be just a short blog post. I was writing into my “real” diary for about an hour now so I kinda don’t have much to say anymore, lol.

I love days like this. Autumn countryside, mist and fog, sunshine and freezing weather. Me being inside in my warm room, smelling essential oils and incense stick, reading books and listening to music (Red hot Chilli peppers and some reggae is on the playlist today). I did 66 minutes of vinyasa yoga this morning, then had a deliciooous breakfast – I will do a recipe post and video soon on my oatmeal, I just can’t get enough of it when it is prepared that way.

organic apples ready to be peeled and grated for our vegan apple pie

organic apples ready to be peeled and grated for our vegan apple pie

Then I visited my friend, we made lunch together (despite some small fights about using fats and eggs in the recipe 😥 ) but it still remained healthy and mostly lower in fat. We were listening to Celtic music, chopping veggies and baked some kind of buckwheat mixture with pumpkin, tofu and lots of spices and nutritional yeast. Then we made delicious apple pie, recipe will be posted soon. Anyways we missed most of the sunshine because of our cooking-baking and went for a walk at around 5 pm and it was already very cold and foggy outside. With bellies full of yummy foods (maybe too much actually…) we walked through the park, went to buy some healthy stuff and said goodbye.

actually it's more like a apple bread...and it contains lots of cacao!

actually it’s more like a apple bread…and it contains lots of cacao!

Now I feel good. It was an productive evening. I ate just 2 rice cakes covered with dark chocolate for dinner because I was still so full of that lunch, went out with my dog, cleaned kitchen, my room, organised my studying materials, wrote my diary, had tea with oatmilk, booked tearoom place for tomorrow’s meeting with friends, made a video of me playing piano (finally) and wrote a list of things I need and want to do, which includes looking ACTIVELY for a job, practising headstand and splits daily and meeting some vegans (it’s a shame but I don’t know any of them personally and sometimes I feel kinda lonely practising this diet).

yum yum yum, I had just one piece actually :) my angelic card for today in the background

yum yum yum, I had just one piece actually 🙂
my angelic card for today in the background

Now going to study for a while and read a book about women’s sexuality (interesting reading!). Have a good night/day/afternoon/whatever 🙂

Namaste ❤

IMG_9229

hot chocolate in Beograd

I completely forgot about this blog. I created a new one and it just isn’t what I truly want my blog to look like. And here I am, this blog is just perfect, it’s old but I still love it and resonate with its design and I think it would be useful to continue with it.

So here I am, dedicated to writing again and I will be posting diary and recipe posts regularly. Just to mention, I am vegan again after about a year period of being vegetarian and few meat eating times. I just needed it. My body needed. I was craving fats, meat and eggs. Before that I had lots of problems with my period and hormonal balance. And it seems that the high fat diet consisting of LOOTS of organic and sometimes raw full fat dairy, eggs, coconut oil, butter, fish, vegetables, oats, legumes and fruit made it. I ate chicken ones and tried pork. I wanted to and I’m not sorry about that.

my eating habits in Romania

Anyways I got my normal healthy period after about 3-4 years of struggling with amenorrhea after my week in Romania at the end of December, where I was eating extremely unhealthy, loots of chocolate and had meat stew, I let my mind loosen, forgot about nutritrion teachings and let myself eat whatever I wanted and how much I wanted. And I wanted lots of food, sweets, high fat foods, meaty soups and yoghurts and nuts… I got my period week after and since than I had regular menstrual flow every month without pain and my hair started growing and is much healthier now. That’s it (I was eating healthy again when I came home from Romania, but still lots of dairy, cheese, eggs). During May I started eating mostly vegan again, my body felt renewed and ready for a vegan diet. During my travels veganism wasn’t possible (hitch hiking with a little money around Europe), but I stayed healthy vegetarian.

Now when I have enough time for food preparing and it’s cold outside so I am indoors a lot I am finally eating how I feel the best. High carb vegan foods, which warm me up and my digestion is much better. I love starch solution and I feel better than on raw foods, 80/10/10 and raw till 4. These diets made me overeat, gain weight and I never felt satisfied or full. I was consuming huge amounts of fruit, sometimes even 5-6000 calories, spent lots of money, was bloated all the time, didn’t have period and was addicted and dogmatic. That’s why I became vegetarian and high fat in the first place. Now I now that there is a better solution which is Starch solution:) I love rice, pasta, bread, dumplings, beans and oatmeal. Especially during autumn/winter I need to warm myself up and not drink cold fruit smoothies with exotic bananas and added sugar because it’s not sweet enough.

Stop rambling about food.

being with myself

I am studying university now but I still feel like being at the high school?! I just had bigger expectations or something… Studying is good and interesting but the student life is missing. I live with my parents, don’t have a part-time job and boyfriend. But when I think about it, it’s okay. After my last break up I needed time to heal and living at home brings lots of advantages. Stillness, solitude, intimacy, enough room for daily exercise and yoga, big bathroom, parents pay for food and I have everything I need here. I can go to parties and out with friends more if I need to and lately I have been outside a lot, so I don’t know why am I complaining???

I will write a list of things I am truly grateful for.

And I will write my goals for the near future.

But not in this post, it would be too long 🙂

IMG_0064

autumn sunshine at the garden

I spent this weekend in the country, no Internet, using phone or watching television (I don’t do that anyway, but worths mentioning), cleared my mind, connected with nature, slept a lot, looked into the fire, cooked delicious dumplings on the stove, went for a walk with our dog and I was…happy. I was happy being just with myself. It was different than being at home, looking at Facebook and Youtube. I always feel anxious spending lots of time like that. But being in the country, going out to bring wood, put it into the fire, listen to music, drink litres of tea with honey…it was like pampering myself and I felt so much self-love surrounding me.

I just love it. I am gonna do this more often.

In the past I suffered from bad acne but I “healed” it with some medication from my dermatologist. Then I had an amazing complexion, maybe a pimple or two from time to time but it was just perfect. I was using lots of makeup(even tho I didn’t need it) because I was in my part of my life, where I wanted to become a make-up artist.

Then there were a times when I started eating 80/10/10 diet. Mostly raw fruit, dried fruit and some steamed potatoes with veggies.(but tons of it, about 3-4000 calories a day) Almost no fats. No salt, no animal products, nothing. I stopped using makeup completely, then even cosmetic products so I was rinsing my skin with water and didn’t even use an oil on it. I started breaking out as I was detoxing and this lasted kinda long, but I had a time of my life where I wasn’t caring about my appearance much(at least I was pretending I wasn’t). It lasted for half a year or so, wow, I am so brave. Now I know that all that sugar, lots of dates, tomatoes and no fat don’t make my skin very well. And it’s very much about my PSYCHIC state. Skin is your barrier, isolating you from other people. When it starts breaking out it always means some kind of block with other people, men or women, not enough self-love and disconnection with your inner-child or how you call it.

My skin cleared after those 6 months or so, but still it wasn’t smooth and I was always puffy and kinda bloated. I gained lots of weight on 801010 and I didn’t have the greatest social life as I wasn’t able to go out and have a dinner with other people, I was going to bed at 8 o’clock in the evening, didn’t drink any alcohol, tea or coffee and especially I wasn’t sure about myself, I probably needed that time for inner-reflexion, healing etc. It was just as it should have been.

And after some time I finally came to conclusion to stop doing things dogmatically. I started eating what I truly wanted and stopped overeating on carbohydrates. I stopped being so puffy and bloated all the time and my skin started clearing up. Also thanks to essential oils. I added much more fats into my diet as well, raw milk, eggs, butter and cheese and stopped eating potatoes, so much grains etc. And my skin is? BEAUTIFUL. I know it isn’t the diet, it’s my mental state. I am more opened, free and honest with myself. I am not denying my “bad” feelings and don’t pretend permanent happiness and inner balance. I am just human, I am not perfect.

But why I started to write this article. Lately my skin hasn’t been the best and it’s been kinda annoying. So I explored little steps how to heal it, and it works always.

  • do 1 day of fasting on water, rice, juice or smoothie whatever you prefer and if your skin clears up, it’s obvious that your acne is mainly caused by something in your diet(but keep in mind, that the first is always a mental “problem”)
  • you may try to avoid some foods which aren’t making you feel very well after eating them, in my case these were tomatoes and gluten(especially bread)
  • writing diary
  • using just coconut oil on your skin as makeup remover, moisturizer or whatever
  • lavender essential oil once daily
  • white clay mask few times a week
  • and the most important – being honest with yourself? what is your skin trying to “tell” you? I discovered it through muscle-testing with my friend, it was kinda exhausting process to get through my mental wards but finally I knew, it was my disconnection with my inner child(+ also a disability to set borders with other people, in this case it was surprisingly with women,haha i was blaming men all the time and it was the other side), my inner child was alone in the dark and “outside” I was hugging many people, letting them to touch me but I wasn’t in touch with myself…
  • I did a visualisation holding my inner child, very healing
  • lots of sleep
  • and next day almost all the pimples disappeared!

And now I am so grateful that my skin is always showing me that there is a problem somewhere. So be grateful for your acne, pimples or whatever. It’s a sign that something is happening and your body wants you to start solving it.

OK, so I have been trying to make my own coconut butter the day before yesterday.

But I realized that it needs a GOOD food processor. The one we have at home is like 50 years old. It is so loud. And it takes ages to mix something properly. I really like our food processor, it makes delicious hummus and peanut butter. But sucks when you want to do just 100% pure coconut butter.

The recipe is easy:

-put unsweetened shredded coconut in the food processor or Vitamix

-blend blend blend until it gets liquid

-put your coconut butter in the jar and let it get firmer

I was blending it like for 10 minutes but the coconut then went to the sides of food processor and it couldn’t get mixed there. But at least it released some fat and got smoother so I guess it’s OK. I added a little bit of honey as I want to eat it as a sweet treat. Then I put the butter in the jar and place it in the fridge – don’t do that. It got all hard and I couldn’t even scoop it with spoon,lol.

But…it’s delicious. It just tastes like all those unhealthy sugar-filled bars I used to love when I was a child. I have always been a coconut lover. Especially coconut-chocolate combo. And I still love it, so why not do it in a healthier way?

mmm…I am just enjoying my bananas with this no-butter coconut butter and I am good.

juicy_watermelon_wallpaper1

Hello there!

I finally decided to do a mini watermelon fast just to see how addicted I am to cooked food and eating in general.

Today I am on the day 1, haha. Congrats to myself! It’s midday and I have already eaten one smaller watermelon. I am not hungry but I was craving all those sugars in it so I ate it whole during the morning. I don’t want to undereat because I went for a run, in the afternoon gonna go for a bike ride, slackline and inlining in the evening. And it’s soo humid and hot outside. Maybe there will be a storm during the night. I have my “monthlies” as well, so I need some more calories than usually.

I have another smaller melon at home, but I will get some more in the evening. I plan to continue tomorrow. I also bought some pears, grapes and apricots if it will be necessary. But I want to stick with melons. That’s all about food.

This fast is for me not to LOSE weight, not to DETOXIFY. These are just things which happen gradually with my mind’s work. I need to get rid of my addiction to food in general. I eat when I am bored. I eat when I am stressed. I eat when I feel lonely or sad. That needs to stop. I will do just 2-3 days. I know it’s probably small, but I feel that it will be enough for me to see how my mechanisms work. I am also drinking clay every second day, supplement with chlorella/spirulina or young barley. I eat 1 teaspoon of ground cloves twice daily. Now I need to rest a little and read books. I will post later how it’s going.